Poets-R-Us: Reputation - When LIES form the basis of TRUTH

When I have no one in a disbelieving world
to hear my side of the story
to give me a benefit of a doubt
to allay my fears and my apprehensions
it is to you gOD that I turn
for solace can be such a lonely word
and LOVE an even lonelier misnomer.

When I reach out in desperate loneliness
to anyone lonelier

than I think I am
and every step of the way do
all that I must.... to clear my name
off the infamy stained on me
by my enemies
it is to you gOD that I turn
for I am who I am
......neither can I erase the past
nor can I heal the hurts I caused others.
I wish 'life' was a digital device
where things can be edited or deleted
at will from 'memory'!

Unleashing the process of 'truth-ing'
as taught to me in my upbringing
versus the malicious lying
gets me so into a tizzy
that I wake up and ask myself
if there is anything at all called the"whole truth and nothing BUT the truth
so help me dear gOD"

after all does anyone really care
or give a damn
when LIES form the basis of all TRUTH

and TRUTH never ever the end of doubts?

'Reputation' is a double edged sword
one lives it and the other un-lives it
but sword it is and sword it will be
it CUTS and wounds deep
deeper than our physical being can comprehend
slashes apart the Soul at a time
when we start believing
perhaps foolishly
that good times have finally arrived
in our horizon.

'Silence can be golden'
'time heals wounds'
I have heard and re-heard so often
nothing much that I can say
will help me heal my scarred Soul
and thus to you gOD that I turn....
for I really have no answers.

My 'reputation' good or bad
full of it or lack of it
is sadly the beginning of my all my
undoing.